CHRISTMAS DISCLOSURE

Ok, here it is for all the world to read, judge, call me crazy and hopefully some will sympathize with me! I am not decorating my house for Christmas this year. (I'm already getting teary.) Thanksgiving was hard. I actually woke up crying that morning. So for those of you who think I am choosing to be sad, there is proof. You have to have time to think in order to choose to be sad and I didn't even get a chance. I tried so hard all day to enjoy my family and be thankful for the ones that were there. However, like I've said in the past, my dad was a HUGE part of the Holidays. It was so weird cooking food knowing mine wouldn't ever be as good as his. It was not as fun playing cards, even though I am the reigning Rigsby Phase 10 Champion. (a title my Uncle Scott gave me and is supposedly making me a trophy for) It was hard hugging my extended family and not being able to just cry and get mad and say I want my Daddy back! (to my family-please know I love you and do treasure all the love you gave and give me! It was just a hard day) Some of you are probably saying who cares if you decorate your house for Christmas. While I hear a resounding noise from the other crowd saying that's not what he would want and you have to move on. Well this is how it is. It was all I could do to decorate my office for Christmas. I felt I had to because of my business partner and for my clients. It doesn't excite me every morning or afternoon as the case may be when I come into work and see my decorations. Honestly it doesn't make me sad or happy. I am just ambivalent. I need to do what I feel is best for me. I would love more than anything to just run away to an exotic island, but I know I would have to come back. There's always reality to keep me grounded. I have enjoyed looking at other's Christmas decorations and going to parties, but I just can't have the one place, my sanctuary to feel whatever I want, to be a constant reminder that he isn't going to be here and everything has to be different. Please don't try to convince me otherwise unless you have a really good argument. I have battled this decision since Thanksgiving. I know the real meaning of Christmas. I know I am celebrating the birthday of my King and Lord, Jesus Christ. I know that He has something in store for me. I am going to take the cards He's dealt me and roll with them. I have survived these last 8 months and will continue doing so! Thank you to all who have prayed for me and loved me even more so than I have deserved these past 8 months.