9-12-10 I have been in a Bible Study for the last 2 1/2 years with pretty much the same Ladies. I adore these Ladies and their devotion to study God's word. I love that I can be totally honest with them and be my ridiculously emotional self and they not think bad of me. We are doing a 6 week study on Heaven right now by Randy Alcorn. It has been a blessing. I really was dreading it. I knew that talking about Heaven would flush my mind with thoughts of my Dad more so than usual. I thought and even said to one of the Ladies, "I'll cry every week, so y'all be prepared." However, God has sustained me and allowed me to get the knowledge that I need about Heaven without causing a total emotional roller coaster. There is so much Scripture about the current Heaven and what we rarely hear preached about...the new Heaven and the new Earth. The study is leaving me encouraged and wanting to tell others about Jesus even more...exactly what it was designed to do.
On another note, my best friend's fiance's Dad passed away. No offense to anyone, but over the last 2 1/2 years, I've been able to get away with only going to visitations instead of funerals. This time, I knew I would need to be there for her...and wanted to be there for both of them. I have to say it was pretty painful. The service was really beautiful and said a lot about Brian's Dad that I didn't know. It made me wish I did know him. It was just so hard for a lot of reasons. As much as I tried to not think about my Dad's service, the memories are just so vivid. I wished that there was that one person (husband) who was there just to support me. (unfortunately, kinda the running issue over the last several years.) I did have two friends, Amanda and Mark, who sent me encouraging words before and afterwards via text. I sat with my best friend's family and they were super sweet to me as well. It was hard as well because I knew there was nothing I could do to comfort my friends. There are no magic words. Knowing the pain of losing someone you love and knowing someone else you love is going to have to endure that pain was a little more than my heart could handle. In the end, I know part of my journey is just being there for others in their time of need. The music during the service was very touching also. A guy sang, "The Anchor Holds." It's one of my favorites by Ray Boltz from back in the day. It puts in perspective that God really does carry us through the storms of our lives. It touched me because I knew that even during all the hurt and grief of losing my Dad, that God loves me and is capable of sustaining me.