Last week I had a couple of days that were totally emotional. I had some great facebook friends that gave me some needed encouragement so I decided not to post about those feelings. However, I reminded myself that this blog is for me to be able to vent my feelings instead of keeping them inside and having them resurface and to hopefully help someone else in the process. My sensitivity filter is so out of whack. I had a client last week who was snoring while I worked on him. It sounded like my dad's snoring before he got his c-pap machine. I cried and couldnt stop crying. I finally had to stop crying because my client woke up. (not from my crying) I realized I have to allow myself to feel whatever it is that I am feeling. I always tell my clients that their problems in their body didnt get there over night and I can't fix them in one massage session. I think the same is true for my sadness. I had 26 wonderful years with my dad. I can't honestly expect to have a funeral and that be the end of my feelings. To tell you the truth sometimes thinking about the hospital and the days after preparing for the funeral and the funeral itself make me more sad amd that's supposed to be "closure". I now hate that word!
Tonight at church my Pastor said he was beginning a 4 part series on courtship/dating. I never thought I would cry during this service. He just did the introduction tonight. He talked a lot about purity and how our culture doesnt push purity. I was okay with everything so far. Then he started talking about how the father holds the daughters hand and gives the daughters hand to the fiancee in an act of transfer of leadership. You answer to your father until you get married and then you answer to your husband. (He read Eph 5:22-23 about submitting to your spouse) I couldnt get that out of my head. I don't have a father anymore. I don't have a husband. Where does that leave me? Ofcourse I know that leaves me with my Heavenly Father. I know He can fill the position better than any father or husband. It just made me terribly sad to think about my dad and to think about my last post where I talked about being lonely. (By the way, never tell the devil where your goat is tied! I got a call from an old boyfriend who I can be friends with but have no business being in a relationship with. Also, by the way, Satan, i didn't fall for it!)
I've gotta stay focused on what God has for me. In that, I believe my grief is drawing me closer to Him. I am choosing to run into His arms. Please pray for me with all this if you feel lead.
Also, please pray for my best friend's dad. His surgery has been moved up to Tues Nov 4th. Please pray for God's healing and provision.
I will be praying God's blessings on you all!

1 comment:

Hannah Hoffmann said...

I hate struggles like the rest of the world, but I do love the way that it makes me want HIM more. And I love that this is making you want Him more, too. That's a good place to be. I love you!