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MY SCARS

A scar by its very definition implies healing.

My heart is very scarred right now. It aches. It is selfish. It wants things to be "normal". It longs for relief. It cries out to my Holy and Just God for help. I do know that God can heal my scars and fill the void of the loss of my father. I know that for some reason I am going through this trial. My mother finally admitted to her pain the other day and I felt as if things were "moving along" for lack of better words. Although today as Father's Day is approaching quickly I can say I am not doing well. I have already "lost it" twice this morning. My poor friend/business partner Emily never knows what to expect when she walks in the door. She has been so supportive though. We are going to my favorite place this weekend, the beach. Grief stinks. I can be "perfectly fine" one minute and crying sobs the next. I knew the milestones would be hard, but today's only Friday. Good grief! Wow, that's an oxymoron I never thought about.
Psalm 107:2 says Let the redeemed of the Lord say so. I never thought that would mean sharing my pain and hurt. I never thought I would be in the club...the loss of a loved one club. I couldnt believe the amount of people who had been through a loss that were in my close circle of friends and are now helping me go through it. What would happen if we all took our pain, hurt, worry, fear and helped each other heal? What would happen if we stopped caring about the petty and TRIVIAL things and started doing God's work which INCLUDES ministering to one another. The statement about you never know what someone on the same pew as you(at church) is going through, is do TRUE. I mean I never thought this verse was a big deal but now I want to scream it from the rooftops...psalm 146:9 The Lord watches over the strangers; He relieves the fatherless and widow; But the way of the wicked He turns upside down. and James 1:27 Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit the orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world. I may be using these out of their true context or maybe not. In my pain, my head has not been too clear. I wish my scars would go away sooner than later. I am tired of hurting and having to explain to people that yes I am still hurting. However, if God is going to use this for His good, I will continue on. Please pray for me as much as He brings me to your mind this weekend.

2 comments:

Lisa Lee said...

Oh sweet baby girl. Imagine reading your post today. I like you am dreading the approach of Father's Day. It was 3 years ago today that my Daddy went to be with Jesus. Then we buried him right before Father's Day. This time of the year always makes me miss him so so much. I know in my heart that he is so much better off with Jesus, but a girl just needs her Daddy. On top of that, we put my Mama in the hospital last nite with her kidneys. Growing older and watching as our parents age just sucks. There is no other appropriate word. Just know that I pray for you daily, I FEEL your pain, I think to a certain extent it never goes away. Just let the beach refresh you this weekend and remind you that Our God knows best and praise HIM that HE is in control. I love you sweet girl--Lulu

Hannah Hoffmann said...

Hey Heather. I've just read your posts, and I am so glad you're writing. It does help a little. I know today has been tough for you. I hope you had a good weekend, and I'll be keeping up with you this way. Just know that the offer to come to the beach here is a standing one, anytime you want to get away. I love you!