My cousin Kate and I met for dinner in Moultrie last night. It was so nice to see another member of my huge family that I usually only see on holidays. She was a great dose of sanity for me and I think she enjoyed getting out of the house for a while. She told me about a book she read by Elizabeth Elliot who has had her share of heartaches. I think I'm gonna go get it today, so be looking forward to hearing about that. I was so glad I could be real with her and her be real with me. I even held it together until the end of our dinner! Thanks Kate for loving me and for spending time with me. (the first pic is me and Kate in early April and the second me and Emily at Garrett's wedding)
On another note: Emily Tillman sent me the sweetest email the other day and it was very helpful. I thought some of you might be able to learn from the analogy. "Life is like an onion, you peel off one layer at a time and cry a little along the way" this time in your life is one of your layers, soon something else will come along and another layer will need to come off, which will make the last one a little easier.
I am trying to get better. I am trying to trust God's plan and choosing to embrace His unconditional love. Here's another example of how I feel: I have seen in several cards, emails, and booklets these verses: Matt.7: 7-8 Ask and it shall be given unto you; seek and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
Matthew 21:22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.
When I see those verses and ones like them my initial reaction is that's not true. I can't ask for my father back and get him back. I can't ask for one more hug or I love you or special occassion for my dad to send me flowers(we had a deal that until I got married he had to send me flowers, but I think he would have done it anyways). I am trying to peel off the layer of extreme pain from loss and loneliness. (not quite there yet) However, I do know deep down that those verses are true. God has guided me and given me things that I definitely don't deserve. I am so fortunate to have a family that loves and supports me. I know I was blessed to have my dad for 26 years. I know God guided my path to massage therapy even when some didnt believe it was the right choice. (I have had my own business since I was 24 and I'm about to be 27) My dad was around to see me "make it" with my business and buy my first home. He was around to see his son marry, to have another beautiful Heather, and to love his two precious granddaughters. So I do know God is faithful and He has a plan. I am just using those verses now as a crutch to say Please God take this pain and loneliness away from me. I am asking that you pray that too.