There are many ups and downs to the process of grieving. I think this is what is so difficult for me. One minute I am going about my "normal" routine and the next I am in a full blown tear fest. I am reminded of a quote, "The race isnt won by the swift or the strong, but by those who persevere to the end." I'm trying to persevere, but it's a tough battle. I actually even dripped a tear on a client the other day. Fortunately, he didnt care. It's hard doing my job right now. I have so much free quiet time to think. I used to pray for my clients during that time. While I do still pray for them, I must admit that my prayers these days are pretty short and to the point otherwise the floodgates open and I am sad again. I want you to understand that if you see me out and about and I am smiling that I am probably doing okay for that moment. My mind is distracted and my heart has dulled the pain for whatever reason. Just because I am having those moments doesnt mean that I am better. I am trying to be better. I am trying to think of the good things and continue on in the legacy of my father, but I miss him. My heart aches to talk to him, to ask him for guidance like I always did, to joke with him or say something smart to him and he would give it right back to me.(It was our thing) I am praying now that my Heavenly Father would fill the void of me losing my earthly father. I pray that He would put people in my life who just want to help me mow my yard, like my good friend Heath, or simply ask if there's something I can do for you or just say I'm praying for you. Please know that if I cry after you speak to me that it's ok. It's not your fault and I want you to talk to me and I want you to say his name. I dont ever want to forget my dad. Thank you for your love and support.

No comments: