I'm not sure how I feel. I'm a little confused about grief and peace and where your faith runs into all that. I think I am getting better. I still cry. It's just that I keep trying to find a right and wrong in this when all I want to do is get better. it's not like I have a switch that I can turn off and on. I cry when it comes out of me. I want people to know that God is ever more present to me now. I am just in a valley. It takes time to get back on the mountain top.
There's also a fear of if I get better, does that mean I will forget him. I have always tried to put others before myself and for once I am trying to deal with myself and it's confusing me. I think I am going to let myself feel what I want to and if there are consequences or if someone doesnt like it, then so be it. He was my dad! I love God. I love that He will take care of me. Don't tell me I am any less of a Christian because of the way I am feeling. I am still living life.
forgive me if none of this makes sense to you readers b/c it makes sense in my head.